Almost Halfway There...

What's going on? A whole lot of nothing. This is one of those weeks that seems forever long, but not because of any particular thing. It's just a lot of day-to-day stuff. On the upside, we have plans to meet up with friends and their new baby on Friday, so that's something to look forward to!

How pregnant are you? 19 weeks today. Nearly halfway there...and that's just weird.

Relate this pregnancy to objects we tend to eat or other daily stuff. Bugbear is now probably around 6" long and weighs 7-8oz. That's roughly the size of a softball or a mango, and is described by the oh-so-fabulous What to Expect as looking "like a mango dipped in cheese" (no word on whether we're talking scary orange cheese, brie, or stilton here). Talk about things that help you bond with it before birth...who doesn't want a mango dipped in cheese hanging out in her internal organs?

Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. In addition to looking like a cheese mango because of his/her thorough vernix covering, Bugbear is developing brown fat to help him/her keep warm. Being born in November in Chicago means that I hope s/he will have plenty of it! S/he's also working on coordination and practicing voluntary movement this week. The neurons and myelin that were getting developed last week now let him/her try coordinated action, since his/her nervous system is all set up. S/he has not only gums, but the tooth buds that will become baby teeth, and this week the tooth buds that will become adult teeth are developing.

What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new?  We took out a Build-a-Bear this week and practiced putting diapers on it. And by that, I mean "Krista took out a Build-a-Bear this week to practice putting diapers on it, and Mike shook it at random and tried to steal it so that Krista could get accustomed to erratic movement and a lack of help and stillness from the naked wriggly thing." That lasted about 10 seconds. Then I decided I'd rather sleep.

I'm also feeling enough movement that I'm able to tell where Bugbear is, and differentiate between ripply rolling sensations and more punctuated jabs. Rolling is still far more common, but I do think I've been headbutted at least once. But if I figure out where Bugbear is, and push on that side of my torso, s/he will move to the other side and kick there. In all honesty, the whole movement thing still squicks me out. It's just plain weird to have a little thing moving around inside at random. I've never eaten a live goldfish, but I imagine that it would be a similar feeling, and that's just odd. I do look forward to Michael being able to feel movement from the outside, though. That's going to be fabulous.



Tell me how you feel physically. Bigger, more solid somehow. The Bump has moved up visibly, which makes me feel more pregnant. It also makes me feel huge, and so while I want a picture, I also don't. I learned that while Bugbear probably weighs 6-7 oz right now, I'm also schlepping 6 oz of placenta, 11 oz of amniotic fluid, 11 oz of uterus, and 13 oz of boob. And while I'm sure it's nothing compared to the watermelon's worth of baby I'll be lugging come November, it's still a lot more than I'm accustomed to having hang out in my front.


As a HUGE plus, acupuncture seems to have worked miracles on my first treatment. I've gone SEVEN days without a migraine. SEVEN! It's FABULOUS! I'm still getting some sciatic pain, but it's not as constant, and I don't lock up as often, both of which are very nice.



What are you craving? Nothing. I'm at a point where I'm just tired of eating all the time.

Are you crazy emotional?  Yes and no. How's that for a clear and helpful answer? I'm still crying all.the.time, which makes me concerned, but I'm also trying to weigh that against the tremendous amounts of stress and uncertainty that categorize my life right now. I'm also really struggling with not working outside the home, and feeling like dead weight in our partnership rather than a co-provider. Feminism meets capitalist valuing of self, ugliness ensues.

Tell me how you feel otherwise. Intimidated, honestly, by the fact that 19 weeks from now, we could take home a healthy baby. 21 weeks and s/he'd be full term. 23 weeks and s/he'll be evicted. This is so not at all what I thought I'd be doing, or dealing with, at this point in my life. I love the ways that Michael and I have grown closer as a couple and as a team, and the confidence and skill we've found in each other. But there's still something huge and uncertain and way bigger than I can even begin to wrap my head around about the thought that in four-ish months I'll be a parent.