What's going on? We're moving this weekend! I am so looking forward to getting everything unpacked, and starting to make the new space into our home, especially since this is where we'll be bringing home our Bugbear.
How pregnant are you? 24 weeks, also known as six months. That means I have four months, or sixteen weeks, left if I'm pregnant for the average 40 weeks. Babies aren't past due until 42 weeks, though, and we're certainly not looking for intervention or induction, so we could be looking at 18 more weeks of being pregnant. Even so, I'm more than halfway there.
Relate this pregnancy to objects we tend to eat or other daily stuff. Bugbear continues to grow, and is probably around 1.5 pounds this week. That's still roughly the size of a spaghetti squash, or papaya.
Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. Bugbear is...still developing. S/he will probably add another 4-6 oz this week from adding fat, developing muscle, and calcifying bones. In addition, s/he's gaining complexity in his/her lung structure, and starting to produce white blood cells that will augment and eventually overtake the passive antibody transfer between him/her and me. Though Bugbear's eyes are still fused shut, s/he is developing rapid eye movement this week.
If heartburn is actually an indication of hair growth (a 2006 study showed a strong and significant correlation between the self-evaluated severity of heartburn and independently rated amounts of hair a baby had), Bugbear may be a bonobo.
What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new? I chose a song to sing to Bugbear so that there's a distinctly familiar melody at hand when s/he is born. While baby books recommend this sort of thing, it's a result of my experiences as a big sister--I used to sing "Six Little Ducks" to my mom's belly when she was pregnant, and after my sister was born, she would calm down when I'd sing it to her. I love that, and wanted the same sort of comfort and bonding with my child. Random side note: there are 228 youtube videos called "Six Little Ducks," and I feel lucky to have found the one I remember after only watching four of them.
Tell me how you feel physically. It's been a really difficult week. Lots and lots and lots of pain. I was unable to reliably walk for two days because of the sciatica, and while I'm super thankful that's over, not being able to exist without pain really took a toll on me. Add in killer death heartburn, some baby migraines, nighttime cramps in my calves, a weird perpetual evil-chalky taste in my mouth (that doesn't go away with brushing my teeth, mouthwash, food, water, tea, or anything else), and I'm ready for next week to be better.
What are you craving? I don't even know.
Are you crazy emotional? Yes. It's clearly linked to all the pain, and the stress of moving, but I can safely expect to burst into tears at least twice a day.
Tell me how you feel otherwise. I'm still frustrated about my lack of standing up for myself, and working on how to best approach that. I'm excited to move, annoyed that I will be largely useless in the actual lifting stuff and putting it places process, and looking forward to a pretty quiet week of just unpacking and adjusting.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Pregnancy Has Made Me a Wuss
A word of warning: I swear here. It happens when I'm mad.
I used to be really good at standing up for myself.
I've had to advocate for my body, my thoughts, and my decisions for a long time. Phrases like "Yes, I am actually in that much pain. No, I absolutely will not take a drug that I don't believe I need and has a substantial risk of permanent debilitating side effects. No, I will not take something else just in case. Yes, I do need the muscle relaxants. Yes, I do actually put on my seat belt every time I'm in the car, thankyouverymuch, AND I make my passengers do so as well. No, I will not agree to be seen by a med student instead of my usual doctor" used to come out of my mouth with relative ease.
Those were easy. They were hard at the time, but now I miss the days when I was "only" fighting about the mundane details of my life, diagnoses, drugs, and treatment plans.
Now, I feel myself fading fast in so many conversations that should be hard-at-the-time and then done. I just can't find the fight in me. I know full well that I'm responding to the cultural narrative that says "Don't you just want a healthy baby? As long as you have a healthy baby at the end of the day, what happens to you and how you're treated don't really matter in the long run."
And while I'd like to call "Bullshit" on that one, I'm tired. And so I don't. And then I kick myself.
Most recently, I've been researching Gestational Diabetes (GD) tests, protocols for treatment, and outcomes. A lot of what I've found has been standard fear-mongering. Babies whose mothers have untreated GD can DIE, and you will feel guilty for the rest of your life because you could have prevented it (this is both a completely untestable claim and one that Freudian mother-blaming would have been proud to behold). Babies whose mothers have untreated GD can be TOO BIG, or sometimes they're TOO SMALL. Babies whose mothers have GD, treated or not, need additional monitoring. Women who have GD are more likely have high-intervention birth experiences ending in c-sections.
"But it's all okay! You'll have a healthy baby!"
It's not all okay. Yes, I want a healthy baby. But I also want to be treated as a person, and damnit, that should not be radical. GD, like so much of medicalized American birth, is controversial, non-standardized in diagnosis and treatment, and is based in faulty studies done ages ago combined with regressive notions of maternity care that minimize the fact that it's not a Baby in an incubator, it's a Woman carrying a fetus. And damnit, that woman deserves to have a say in her medical care.
"Why not just take the test? You're already at risk, and really, it's only an hour, some crap sugar drink, and then you know for sure."
I do technically have two of the risk factors. I am OLD (29), and I am NOT THIN (serious social crime). My ovaries should have shriveled up and died long long ago, in mourning of the days when I was young and fertile and beautiful. Never mind that correlation is not causation, and the fact that many women over 28 do test positive for GD does not mean that being over 28 is the cause of GD. Even if age really ain't nothin but a number, there are other Very Important Numbers that I fail. At 5'2" and 148 pounds before pregnancy, my BMI was 27, putting me squarely in the "overweight" category. Nevermind that BMI is laden with problems, including an inability to account for muscle mass, natural fat deposits like boobs, and a general fallacious belief that standardized weight is available to and healthy for every person. Overweight is risky.
My hypothetical questioner is right that the test is an hour. And I could read for an hour. But I'd prefer to read for an hour at home, in a comfy chair, without being stabbed, poked, or prodded.
And it doesn't necessarily have to be a crappy sugar drink. I'd rather have jelly beans, and that's a medically "proven" alternative I haven't been offered.
I'd also prefer a test that's standardized in its measurements (right now, the US version isn't), takes into account the natural changes that it purports to be monitoring (blood sugar levels are naturally progressively higher as pregnancy continues, which means that the same woman could pass at 24 weeks, do nothing different, and fail at 28 weeks just by virtue of being pregnant), and doesn't automatically place me in the absurd category of "high risk" (testing positive for GD means that women are monitored more closely, subject to more interference and intervention during their birthing processes, and due to the cascading effect of intervention, more likely to have c-sections).
--See here and here for more extended discussions and extensive citation of these things.
I KNOW these things. They're why I called my midwives office to request that my test be done at 24 weeks instead after my 25 week appointment.
So what did I do when she said that they prefer to test at 26 weeks?
I responded with a bold, well-researched, intelligent, individualized, and thoughtful "oh. Okay. Thanks, have a good evening!"
That's not me. At all. We gotta get this fixed before someone tells me I need a non-stress test or a fluid levels check just because. Because pregnancy and parenthood may inevitably change me, but this is not okay.
How do I get back to being the sort of woman who stands up for herself instead of caving at the slightest pressure? What do you do to remind yourself that you're strong, intelligent, and capable?
I used to be really good at standing up for myself.
I've had to advocate for my body, my thoughts, and my decisions for a long time. Phrases like "Yes, I am actually in that much pain. No, I absolutely will not take a drug that I don't believe I need and has a substantial risk of permanent debilitating side effects. No, I will not take something else just in case. Yes, I do need the muscle relaxants. Yes, I do actually put on my seat belt every time I'm in the car, thankyouverymuch, AND I make my passengers do so as well. No, I will not agree to be seen by a med student instead of my usual doctor" used to come out of my mouth with relative ease.
Those were easy. They were hard at the time, but now I miss the days when I was "only" fighting about the mundane details of my life, diagnoses, drugs, and treatment plans.
Now, I feel myself fading fast in so many conversations that should be hard-at-the-time and then done. I just can't find the fight in me. I know full well that I'm responding to the cultural narrative that says "Don't you just want a healthy baby? As long as you have a healthy baby at the end of the day, what happens to you and how you're treated don't really matter in the long run."
And while I'd like to call "Bullshit" on that one, I'm tired. And so I don't. And then I kick myself.
Most recently, I've been researching Gestational Diabetes (GD) tests, protocols for treatment, and outcomes. A lot of what I've found has been standard fear-mongering. Babies whose mothers have untreated GD can DIE, and you will feel guilty for the rest of your life because you could have prevented it (this is both a completely untestable claim and one that Freudian mother-blaming would have been proud to behold). Babies whose mothers have untreated GD can be TOO BIG, or sometimes they're TOO SMALL. Babies whose mothers have GD, treated or not, need additional monitoring. Women who have GD are more likely have high-intervention birth experiences ending in c-sections.
"But it's all okay! You'll have a healthy baby!"
It's not all okay. Yes, I want a healthy baby. But I also want to be treated as a person, and damnit, that should not be radical. GD, like so much of medicalized American birth, is controversial, non-standardized in diagnosis and treatment, and is based in faulty studies done ages ago combined with regressive notions of maternity care that minimize the fact that it's not a Baby in an incubator, it's a Woman carrying a fetus. And damnit, that woman deserves to have a say in her medical care.
"Why not just take the test? You're already at risk, and really, it's only an hour, some crap sugar drink, and then you know for sure."
I do technically have two of the risk factors. I am OLD (29), and I am NOT THIN (serious social crime). My ovaries should have shriveled up and died long long ago, in mourning of the days when I was young and fertile and beautiful. Never mind that correlation is not causation, and the fact that many women over 28 do test positive for GD does not mean that being over 28 is the cause of GD. Even if age really ain't nothin but a number, there are other Very Important Numbers that I fail. At 5'2" and 148 pounds before pregnancy, my BMI was 27, putting me squarely in the "overweight" category. Nevermind that BMI is laden with problems, including an inability to account for muscle mass, natural fat deposits like boobs, and a general fallacious belief that standardized weight is available to and healthy for every person. Overweight is risky.
My hypothetical questioner is right that the test is an hour. And I could read for an hour. But I'd prefer to read for an hour at home, in a comfy chair, without being stabbed, poked, or prodded.
And it doesn't necessarily have to be a crappy sugar drink. I'd rather have jelly beans, and that's a medically "proven" alternative I haven't been offered.
I'd also prefer a test that's standardized in its measurements (right now, the US version isn't), takes into account the natural changes that it purports to be monitoring (blood sugar levels are naturally progressively higher as pregnancy continues, which means that the same woman could pass at 24 weeks, do nothing different, and fail at 28 weeks just by virtue of being pregnant), and doesn't automatically place me in the absurd category of "high risk" (testing positive for GD means that women are monitored more closely, subject to more interference and intervention during their birthing processes, and due to the cascading effect of intervention, more likely to have c-sections).
--See here and here for more extended discussions and extensive citation of these things.
I KNOW these things. They're why I called my midwives office to request that my test be done at 24 weeks instead after my 25 week appointment.
So what did I do when she said that they prefer to test at 26 weeks?
I responded with a bold, well-researched, intelligent, individualized, and thoughtful "oh. Okay. Thanks, have a good evening!"
That's not me. At all. We gotta get this fixed before someone tells me I need a non-stress test or a fluid levels check just because. Because pregnancy and parenthood may inevitably change me, but this is not okay.
How do I get back to being the sort of woman who stands up for herself instead of caving at the slightest pressure? What do you do to remind yourself that you're strong, intelligent, and capable?
Monday, July 26, 2010
A few images for today
Dear BugBear,
In case you haven't noticed by now, your mom and dad can be somewhat offbeat individuals. In the event that you are unaware of this reality, please consult the following blog post.
While visiting the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago a few weeks ago, we happened to step into the gift shop. There was a display where one could customize some tiles to spell out words. We, of course, took this opportunity to procure the necessary letters to spell "Bugbear."
And here is a zoomed-in version, complete with shark attack action (courtesy of your zany Uncle Dan).
While at the grocery store, I thought that it may be both silly and appropriate to slap an "Organic" sticker on Krista's belly.
At a different grocery store (Trader Joe's), we decided to conduct an experiment. According to some accounts of fetus development, you are approximately the size of a papaya.
We hope that this rather odd sense of humor either entertains you, or that you merely tolerate us and love us anyway.
Yours,
-Michael (aka Dad)
In case you haven't noticed by now, your mom and dad can be somewhat offbeat individuals. In the event that you are unaware of this reality, please consult the following blog post.
While visiting the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago a few weeks ago, we happened to step into the gift shop. There was a display where one could customize some tiles to spell out words. We, of course, took this opportunity to procure the necessary letters to spell "Bugbear."And here is a zoomed-in version, complete with shark attack action (courtesy of your zany Uncle Dan).
While at the grocery store, I thought that it may be both silly and appropriate to slap an "Organic" sticker on Krista's belly.
At a different grocery store (Trader Joe's), we decided to conduct an experiment. According to some accounts of fetus development, you are approximately the size of a papaya.
We hope that this rather odd sense of humor either entertains you, or that you merely tolerate us and love us anyway.
Yours,
-Michael (aka Dad)
Friday, July 23, 2010
How is this only 23 weeks?
What's going on? Fortunately, it's been a quiet week. Generic daily activity, and getting ready to move next weekend, but nothing hugely surprising in our lives, and that's very nice.
How pregnant are you? 23 weeks. I feel like I've been pregnant forever. Round. My uterus is roughly 1.5" above my navel at this point, which explains the roundness, but it's still very, very surreal to see my body changing so drastically on a daily basis.
Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. Bugbear is having a growth spurt this week, and for the next few weeks, at a rate of up to 6oz per week, due to increased intake of the sugars and nutrients in the amniotic fluid. So it isn't my imagination that I'm feeling more huge each day, and actually feeling my abs and round ligaments stretching and pulling and changing.
Visually, Bugbear's eyebrows are now visible, and if there's hair on his/her head, it could be up to 1/2" long, though it's unlikely to have pigment yet.
Internally, Bugbear's middle ear bones are hardening, which is creating a sense of balance and direction--as s/he moves around in my uterus, s/he may be able to recognize up and down, as well as be able to distinguish rolling movements. I know that I'm certainly feeling those things!
His/her pancreas is starting to produce insulin, and s/he continues to pack on the baby fat. Alveoli are forming in his/her little lungs, which will eventually allow him/her to breathe after birth. That sort of development means that we're increasingly close to viability, or the possibility that Bugbear could survive in the outside world if s/he were born in the next few weeks. We obviously want him/her to keep cooking for at least another 10 weeks, though!
What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new? We're starting to think about things like baby showers, which means deciding what stuff s/he and we will actually need and want, and what just isn't us. I'm spending far too much time on etsy looking at fabric that I might use to make bedding...but fabric is just so delightful. So far, we haven't had a periscope peek out from my navel and nod vigorously at any particular pattern, so this is one of those decisions that we'll probably have to make without the kid's input.
Tell me how you feel physically. Odd. Achy. Huge. I've had some days with pain so bad I couldn't walk, and more where I feel somewhere between good and excellent. I am freaked out by my hugeness, and the knowledge that I'm only going to get bigger. But there's also something really intriguing about never really knowing what I'm going to look or feel like a few hours in the future.
What are you craving? Cherries. I bought two pounds of organic cherries at Trader Joe's yesterday, and not eating them all at once is as difficult as not eating all the shortbread with chocolate that I bought.
Are you crazy emotional? Yes. Tears at tiny diapers, my hair, moving again, not moving, the unfairness of life that's happening to so many people I care about right now, missing people, the future, adorable onesies, meat, being tired, being awake...it doesn't take much right now.
Tell me how you feel otherwise. Overall, good. I'm really working to incorporate my goal of living in the present at every moment into this pregnancy. I'm only doing this once. This is the point in my life where I'll be 23 weeks pregnant, and I want to drink it in, remember it, take it for what it is without forcing it to be anything else. It's harder to do so when the pain or exhaustion or frustration are bad, but it's also helped me to appreciate what's going on rather than trying to make it more ideal.
How pregnant are you? 23 weeks. I feel like I've been pregnant forever. Round. My uterus is roughly 1.5" above my navel at this point, which explains the roundness, but it's still very, very surreal to see my body changing so drastically on a daily basis.
(I know, I know, dirty mirror, sorry!)
Relate this pregnancy to objects we tend to eat or other daily stuff. Bugbear is huge. Relatively. Over a pound at this point, and tall/long enough that s/he is bigger than last week, but no longer given likely weekly measurements on various websites. So s/he's still roughly the length of a spaghetti squash. Our ultrasound last week showed that his/her feet are 4cm long right now, so looking at a ruler helped give us a better picture of exactly what's growing in there.Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. Bugbear is having a growth spurt this week, and for the next few weeks, at a rate of up to 6oz per week, due to increased intake of the sugars and nutrients in the amniotic fluid. So it isn't my imagination that I'm feeling more huge each day, and actually feeling my abs and round ligaments stretching and pulling and changing.
Visually, Bugbear's eyebrows are now visible, and if there's hair on his/her head, it could be up to 1/2" long, though it's unlikely to have pigment yet.
Internally, Bugbear's middle ear bones are hardening, which is creating a sense of balance and direction--as s/he moves around in my uterus, s/he may be able to recognize up and down, as well as be able to distinguish rolling movements. I know that I'm certainly feeling those things!
His/her pancreas is starting to produce insulin, and s/he continues to pack on the baby fat. Alveoli are forming in his/her little lungs, which will eventually allow him/her to breathe after birth. That sort of development means that we're increasingly close to viability, or the possibility that Bugbear could survive in the outside world if s/he were born in the next few weeks. We obviously want him/her to keep cooking for at least another 10 weeks, though!
What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new? We're starting to think about things like baby showers, which means deciding what stuff s/he and we will actually need and want, and what just isn't us. I'm spending far too much time on etsy looking at fabric that I might use to make bedding...but fabric is just so delightful. So far, we haven't had a periscope peek out from my navel and nod vigorously at any particular pattern, so this is one of those decisions that we'll probably have to make without the kid's input.
Tell me how you feel physically. Odd. Achy. Huge. I've had some days with pain so bad I couldn't walk, and more where I feel somewhere between good and excellent. I am freaked out by my hugeness, and the knowledge that I'm only going to get bigger. But there's also something really intriguing about never really knowing what I'm going to look or feel like a few hours in the future.
What are you craving? Cherries. I bought two pounds of organic cherries at Trader Joe's yesterday, and not eating them all at once is as difficult as not eating all the shortbread with chocolate that I bought.
Are you crazy emotional? Yes. Tears at tiny diapers, my hair, moving again, not moving, the unfairness of life that's happening to so many people I care about right now, missing people, the future, adorable onesies, meat, being tired, being awake...it doesn't take much right now.
Tell me how you feel otherwise. Overall, good. I'm really working to incorporate my goal of living in the present at every moment into this pregnancy. I'm only doing this once. This is the point in my life where I'll be 23 weeks pregnant, and I want to drink it in, remember it, take it for what it is without forcing it to be anything else. It's harder to do so when the pain or exhaustion or frustration are bad, but it's also helped me to appreciate what's going on rather than trying to make it more ideal.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
July 22
Dear BugBear,
On this date in 2006, your mom-to-be took the plunge and married your dad-to-be.
What a rollercoaster ride it has been since then!
Since July 2006, a number of major events have taken place:
* Your paternal side grandfather was in a serious car accident. He's doing a lot better now.
* Your Aunt Lori and Uncle Dan adopted a wonderful girl, Madelyn Grace, who is excited about being your older cousin.
* Your mom finished her MA, and is one step away from earning her Ph.D., in Comparative Studies from The Ohio State University.
* Your maternal side great-grandfather, Pop-Pop, passed away.
* Your dad secured teaching jobs at Ohio State University, University of Dayton, two colleges in Connecticut, Penn State University, Prairie State College, and Oakton Community College (whew!).
* Your mom and dad lived in Connecticut for the summer of 2007.
* Your family adopted a bizarre, yet wonderful dog.
* Your family went a little more eco-friendly and purchased a Toyota Prius.
* Your dad graduated with his Ph.D. in Philosophy & Literature from Purdue University.
* Your mom decided to become a minister in the Christian faith.
* Your mom secured teaching jobs at Ohio State University, Otterbein College, Penn State University, and Crestwood, IL (summer tutoring).
* Your family lived in a house, and met some great friends, in Columbus, OH. They also lived in an apartment in State College, PA, and two apartments in the metropolitan Chicago area.
* Your family learned that we will be expecting a young one, whom we've affectionately nicknamed "BugBear" <-- that's you!
While this is only a list of memorable highlights (and your dad has a few screws loose when it comes to memory), your dad Michael loves your mom Krista for all the big things as well as the innumerable small, day-to-day things. We're all in this together, and we can't wait to meet you when it's your time to see us.
Happy anniversary, Krista! I <3 you, sideways 8.
-Michael
On this date in 2006, your mom-to-be took the plunge and married your dad-to-be.
What a rollercoaster ride it has been since then!
Since July 2006, a number of major events have taken place:
* Your paternal side grandfather was in a serious car accident. He's doing a lot better now.
* Your Aunt Lori and Uncle Dan adopted a wonderful girl, Madelyn Grace, who is excited about being your older cousin.
* Your mom finished her MA, and is one step away from earning her Ph.D., in Comparative Studies from The Ohio State University.
* Your maternal side great-grandfather, Pop-Pop, passed away.
* Your dad secured teaching jobs at Ohio State University, University of Dayton, two colleges in Connecticut, Penn State University, Prairie State College, and Oakton Community College (whew!).
* Your mom and dad lived in Connecticut for the summer of 2007.
* Your family adopted a bizarre, yet wonderful dog.
* Your family went a little more eco-friendly and purchased a Toyota Prius.
* Your dad graduated with his Ph.D. in Philosophy & Literature from Purdue University.
* Your mom decided to become a minister in the Christian faith.
* Your mom secured teaching jobs at Ohio State University, Otterbein College, Penn State University, and Crestwood, IL (summer tutoring).
* Your family lived in a house, and met some great friends, in Columbus, OH. They also lived in an apartment in State College, PA, and two apartments in the metropolitan Chicago area.
* Your family learned that we will be expecting a young one, whom we've affectionately nicknamed "BugBear" <-- that's you!
While this is only a list of memorable highlights (and your dad has a few screws loose when it comes to memory), your dad Michael loves your mom Krista for all the big things as well as the innumerable small, day-to-day things. We're all in this together, and we can't wait to meet you when it's your time to see us.
Happy anniversary, Krista! I <3 you, sideways 8.
-Michael
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Whoa
On Saturday afternoon, after attending a seminar entitled "Daddyology," I went to a local bookstore (Powell's) to sell some books. While waiting 15 or so minutes for the worker to figure the total, instead of doing what I usually do - browse through the Philosophy and Religious Studies aisles of the bookstore - I found myself skimming through the children's book section, thumbing through Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein, wondering to myself if this book would be good to read to BugBear before and after s/he is born. Whoa. Talk about a game-changer. This is great.
Bugbear's First Case of The Weird
What's going on? We had our major ultrasound last Friday, where we got to see little Bugbear's face for the first time. It was amazing. From the facial profile, s/he looks to have my snub nose and DH's chin. From a front view, s/he looks like a terrifying Skeletor-type cartoon, since there's barely any fat on his/her body yet, so his/her face is really just skin over bone. And from the picture we have of his/her foot, s/he has little tree frog toes like mine. It was really an amazing experience to see this thing that's been practicing his/her ninja moves for what seems like forever.
Then on Tuesday, we got a phone call from the midwives office. The ultrasound showed Bugbear growing fine. But it also showed that Bugbear's umbilical cord only has one artery instead of the usual two, which could have meant any number of possible things. So Thursday we dropped everything to get a level 2 ultrasound.
The level 2 showed that Bugbear is indeed fine. His/her organs looked healthy, with no signs that the two-valve cord was a symptom or cause of anything bigger or potentially more problematic. It was a huge relief, and we couldn't have asked for more humanizing and informative staff members who really explained things and treated us with dignity. If we had to have this happen, I'm grateful that it happened this way. And it was nice to see Bugbear's little face and body again. S/he has everything we saw last time, and we got to really look at this amazing beating heart the size of a quarter and a teeny stomach full of amniotic fluid. While I knew those things were in there, seeing them really gave me a different perspective on their reality.
We'll have another ultrasound in 8-10 weeks to check on Bugbear and make sure that s/he isn't experiencing growth restriction or other problems. The results will determine whether we have continued monitoring, or if we finish out with the mentality that Bugbear has his/her first case of The Weird (probably from my side of the family). We're hoping that this is simply The Weird, and to be able to keep things as non-invasive and natural as possible.
How pregnant are you? 22 weeks. We have pictures from a Friday trip to Shedd Aquarium, but they haven't been uploaded yet. To give you an idea, though, it is completely possible that my abdomen has decided to adopt "Pop Goes the Stomach" as its personal anthem.
Relate this pregnancy to objects we tend to eat or other daily stuff. Bugbear weighs around a pound this week, and will double in weight over the next 4 weeks. S/he is probably 7-8" crown to rump, or 11" top to bottom. That's roughly the size of a spaghetti squash, the length of a package of Oreos, or an over-inflated football. I don't like Oreos, and I have no idea how the size of an over-inflated football is any different than a regular one. These things aren't so bad, because we could still compare Bugbear to a spaghetti squash. But the last spaghetti squash we bought was from the farmer's market, and a whopping 2' in length, so I'm thinking that's not quite right either. A trip to the grocery store seems to be in order.
Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. Bugbear's nervous system is developed enough that s/he can feel his/her own touch, so that s/he is able to explore his/her own body while swimming around and hanging out. There's a possibility that s/he has hair on his/her head, but if it's there, it's still completely without pigment and very short.
Bugbear's eyes are fully formed, but won't open for a while, and the irises are still without pigment, which will come in later. Bugbear's liver is continuing to learn how and practice breaking down unnecessary red blood cells, while his/her brain is now developing the folds and wrinkles that will eventually provide surface area for all the stuff that brains need to do.
What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new? We've seen Bugbear as more than a jelly bean with arm and leg buds, and that for us is huge. We haven't added much beyond that this week.
Tell me how you feel physically. Tired. Neither Michael nor I slept well for most of this week as we waited for more information, and that impacted us. But when I'm not dragging my butt, I feel really good. I'm able to work out regularly, my chiropractor is a miracle worker (my legs are nearly even length again!), and Bugbear loves adjustments--I can feel him/her move so strongly as my pelvic girdle gets opened up, and there's more room for swimming. I'm also finding a lot of pleasure in breathing deeply, which is a very nice surprise.
What are you craving? WINGS. I could eat buffalo wings (not flavored sauces, not bbq, just plain wing sauce flavored wings) with a Tums chaser daily and be quite happy. And mixed greens salad with mushrooms. And lemongrass dry soda.
Are you crazy emotional? Yep. Between the exhaustion and the cord surprise, I've done a lot of crying. Not even Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide can stop that from happening. I'm also having to work really hard to keep my temper under control lately, which is important but not at all easy.
Tell me how you feel otherwise. Sometimes I think that if there's a word for it, I've felt it in the last 120 hours, and if there's not a word for it, I've felt that in the last 120 hours as well. I'm hugely relieved that Bugbear is okay, relieved at hearing that this is nothing I did, and not the result of any of the drugs I was taking at the beginning of this pregnancy. Tired of surprises. Tired. Excited, frustrated, hopeful, overwhelmed, curious, constantly in awe of the way that pregnancy happens and impacts me and our family. Looking forward to meeting our Bugbear, not too soon, but not too horribly far in the future, either.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Predicting Bugbear's Bits
We're not telling the sex*, but people are guessing! Stake your claims in the comments for all the interwebz to see!
So far, in the "I'm sure it's a boy" column, we have
My sister**
Mike's sister
Mike's cousin
$3 online psychic (yes, I spent $3 on an online psychic. At least it wasn't $35 on a pee test that claims the same accuracy as the online psychic)
In the "I'm sure it's a girl" column, we have
Jay
Mike's aunt
My chiropractor**
Lore*** says, with explanations whenever possible:
If the heart rate is 140 or above, it's a girl. 139 or under, it's a Boy. Bugbear's heart rate at our appointment today varied between 130-150 on the doppler, so this one is inconclusive. The midwife we met with on Friday said that the doppler she was using didn't have reliable number readouts, but that the heartrate sounded right around 150 to her, perfectly in the healthy range. We'll say tentatively that this says Girl. (Baby girls' heartbeats are frequently faster than baby boys', hence the belief that this difference is also present in utero.)
The Draino test, peeing into Draino crystals, is unreliable and produces toxic fumes, so we didn't do it. I might have held my breath for the fun of it, but we don't own Draino. We don't even own bleach. I thought about peeing on some vinegar and making up my own test, but that seemed like a lot of work, so I didn't. No result here.
The Chinese gender chart says Boy. (no word on how, if at all, this accounts for the differences in lunar vs. solar calendars in terms of both age and conception month)
The Brazilian method says Girl.
The sum of my age at conception and the numbered month of conception is even, which means Boy.
When I put my wedding band on a piece of thread, lay on my back, and have Michael hold the ring on a string over my belly, the ring responds more to the ceiling fan than anything else. After much discussion, we decided that "definitely not a circle" means we should say it moves back and forth. This means Girl.
When I put my wedding band on a piece of thread, lay on my back, and have Michael hold the ring on a string over my belly, the ring responds more to the ceiling fan than anything else. After much discussion, we decided that "definitely not a circle" means we should say it moves back and forth. This means Boy.
That I am carrying out front, rather than gaining weight all around, says Boy.
I'm now carrying high, which means Girl.
I was carrying low, which means Boy.
Sleeping with my pillow to the north means that I'll be having a Boy. (This tidbit NOT brought to you by the insomnia cures book I read that swears sleeping with your feet pointing south means sounder and better sleep.)
My nose has not flattened during pregnancy, which means Girl.
My feet are not colder than they were before pregnancy, which means Girl.
I don't eat the heels of bread, which means Girl. (This is different than not eating the crusts of bread. Not eating crusts means that my hair won't be curly. My flat iron and I would like to have a long talk about how that bargain did not work.)
Dad-to-be has not been gaining weight along with me, which means Girl.
I did not have morning sickness early in pregnancy, which means Boy (because there's not as much estrogen in my system, I wasn't queasy).
I did not have morning sickness early in pregnancy, which means Girl (I had no new testosterone in my system, so I wasn't queasy).
People say that pregnancy has made me more attractive, which means Boy, because a girl would steal her mother's beauty. Do not even get me started on this one.
My boobs are noticeably larger, which means Girl.
I am craving fried food or seafood, but my options are only sweet or sour, so No Result.
I have been craving fruit more than I have been craving meat, which means Girl. Again, do not get me started. Why is meat masculine? Why can't I crave seafood, or cheese? Or butter?
My hands are extremely dry, which means Boy.
My hands are no drier than they usually are, which means Girl.
The result of this completely unscientific survey of various methods of ascertaining the sex of Bugbear runs like this:
Boy: 9
Girl: 11
No result: 3
*Q: Wait! Don't you mean "Bugbear's gender?!"
A: No! We mean Bugbear's sex! Sex is the biology of bits--penis, testicles, and no ovaries/uterus/vagina = boy. Ovaries, uterus, and vagina, but no penis/testicles = girl. Some of each = intersex. Gender is one of many ways that we create and live out our identities. I might choose to live in ways that get called 'feminine' even if my sex is male, and I might choose to prioritize my 'masculinity' even if my sex is female. I can also be a feminine woman or masculine man, or any of the millions of combinations between here and there. But we won't know what sort of gender Bugbear will prefer until s/he is out here and making his/her desires known! (Many people have written much better thoughts on this than I. Ask if you're interested.)
**These claims were prefaced by "I've never been wrong"
***Q: Wait! Why are you asking Data's Evil Twin from Star Trek about your child's sex?
A: We're not! Lore is another word for what many people call "Old Wives' Tales." We don't believe that knowledge traditionally belonging to women should be ridiculed or downplayed, though, so we use the term "lore" to refer to ideas that are handed down among groups, but that isn't written, codified, or authorized by contemporary science, business, or medicine.
Q: Are you seriously this nerdy all the time?
A: Absolutely.
So far, in the "I'm sure it's a boy" column, we have
My sister**
Mike's sister
Mike's cousin
$3 online psychic (yes, I spent $3 on an online psychic. At least it wasn't $35 on a pee test that claims the same accuracy as the online psychic)
In the "I'm sure it's a girl" column, we have
Jay
Mike's aunt
My chiropractor**
Lore*** says, with explanations whenever possible:
If the heart rate is 140 or above, it's a girl. 139 or under, it's a Boy. Bugbear's heart rate at our appointment today varied between 130-150 on the doppler, so this one is inconclusive. The midwife we met with on Friday said that the doppler she was using didn't have reliable number readouts, but that the heartrate sounded right around 150 to her, perfectly in the healthy range. We'll say tentatively that this says Girl. (Baby girls' heartbeats are frequently faster than baby boys', hence the belief that this difference is also present in utero.)
The Draino test, peeing into Draino crystals, is unreliable and produces toxic fumes, so we didn't do it. I might have held my breath for the fun of it, but we don't own Draino. We don't even own bleach. I thought about peeing on some vinegar and making up my own test, but that seemed like a lot of work, so I didn't. No result here.
The Chinese gender chart says Boy. (no word on how, if at all, this accounts for the differences in lunar vs. solar calendars in terms of both age and conception month)
The Brazilian method says Girl.
The sum of my age at conception and the numbered month of conception is even, which means Boy.
When I put my wedding band on a piece of thread, lay on my back, and have Michael hold the ring on a string over my belly, the ring responds more to the ceiling fan than anything else. After much discussion, we decided that "definitely not a circle" means we should say it moves back and forth. This means Girl.
When I put my wedding band on a piece of thread, lay on my back, and have Michael hold the ring on a string over my belly, the ring responds more to the ceiling fan than anything else. After much discussion, we decided that "definitely not a circle" means we should say it moves back and forth. This means Boy.
That I am carrying out front, rather than gaining weight all around, says Boy.
I'm now carrying high, which means Girl.
I was carrying low, which means Boy.
Sleeping with my pillow to the north means that I'll be having a Boy. (This tidbit NOT brought to you by the insomnia cures book I read that swears sleeping with your feet pointing south means sounder and better sleep.)
My nose has not flattened during pregnancy, which means Girl.
My feet are not colder than they were before pregnancy, which means Girl.
I don't eat the heels of bread, which means Girl. (This is different than not eating the crusts of bread. Not eating crusts means that my hair won't be curly. My flat iron and I would like to have a long talk about how that bargain did not work.)
Dad-to-be has not been gaining weight along with me, which means Girl.
I did not have morning sickness early in pregnancy, which means Boy (because there's not as much estrogen in my system, I wasn't queasy).
I did not have morning sickness early in pregnancy, which means Girl (I had no new testosterone in my system, so I wasn't queasy).
People say that pregnancy has made me more attractive, which means Boy, because a girl would steal her mother's beauty. Do not even get me started on this one.
My boobs are noticeably larger, which means Girl.
I am craving fried food or seafood, but my options are only sweet or sour, so No Result.
I have been craving fruit more than I have been craving meat, which means Girl. Again, do not get me started. Why is meat masculine? Why can't I crave seafood, or cheese? Or butter?
My hands are extremely dry, which means Boy.
My hands are no drier than they usually are, which means Girl.
The result of this completely unscientific survey of various methods of ascertaining the sex of Bugbear runs like this:
Boy: 9
Girl: 11
No result: 3
*Q: Wait! Don't you mean "Bugbear's gender?!"
A: No! We mean Bugbear's sex! Sex is the biology of bits--penis, testicles, and no ovaries/uterus/vagina = boy. Ovaries, uterus, and vagina, but no penis/testicles = girl. Some of each = intersex. Gender is one of many ways that we create and live out our identities. I might choose to live in ways that get called 'feminine' even if my sex is male, and I might choose to prioritize my 'masculinity' even if my sex is female. I can also be a feminine woman or masculine man, or any of the millions of combinations between here and there. But we won't know what sort of gender Bugbear will prefer until s/he is out here and making his/her desires known! (Many people have written much better thoughts on this than I. Ask if you're interested.)
**These claims were prefaced by "I've never been wrong"
***Q: Wait! Why are you asking Data's Evil Twin from Star Trek about your child's sex?
A: We're not! Lore is another word for what many people call "Old Wives' Tales." We don't believe that knowledge traditionally belonging to women should be ridiculed or downplayed, though, so we use the term "lore" to refer to ideas that are handed down among groups, but that isn't written, codified, or authorized by contemporary science, business, or medicine.
Q: Are you seriously this nerdy all the time?
A: Absolutely.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
It's That Time Again!
What's going on? Lots! But at the same time, nothing horribly interesting.
How pregnant are you? 21 weeks. Wondering when I will stop reeling. I've now been pregnant in 2010 for 4 months, as opposed to 3 months of this year not pregnant. Perhaps I'll be accustomed to it by November.
Relate this pregnancy to objects we tend to eat or other daily stuff. Bugbear is likely to measure around 10.5" total length, or 7" crown to rump. That's about the size of a beer bottle, or a large banana.
Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. I am tremendously impressed with his/her circulatory system, which is moving blood through the umbilical cord, through his/her entire body, and then back into my body, at 4 miles an hour. I wouldn't be happy driving at 4mph, but that seems pretty impressive for something the size of a banana. Bugbear has fully formed fingernails this week, and his/her eyelids are also fully formed, though not ready to open for another month or two. There seem to be lots of developments in terms of digestion this week. S/he is forming tooth buds for permanent teeth, his/her tongue is fully developed and practicing new swallowing motions, and s/he is absorbing water and sugar from the amniotic fluid that gets swallowed.
Because taste buds are forming en masse on the tongue and cheeks this week and next, there are theories that the more variation in foods I eat, the more likely Bugbear will be to eat and enjoy similar tastes when s/he gets food. I'm not sure I buy that, but so far s/he's on the fast track to enjoying milk, ice cream, milkshakes, nutella, hard boiled eggs, deviled eggs, cereal, blueberries, cherries, grapefruit, frozen mixed fruit, tomatoes, peas, onion, garlic, eggplant, broccoli, pine nuts, and pasta. Oh, and key lime mango cheesecake. Not sure what exactly some of those would look like as baby food, but I do like the idea that right now it's my job to expose Bugbear to as much as possible. Maybe that'll help me stop being so tired of eating.
Somewhere in the middle of second tri, Bugbear is likely to start getting the hiccups. I find this adorable, and terrifying. I went through about two years of constant hiccups in my early teen years, and it was miserable. And somehow, I don't think that standing on my head, drinking water upside down, or letting sugar dissolve on my tongue without swallowing until I have weird rivulets of sugar drool running down my face are likely to stop hiccups that both are and aren't mine.
What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new?
I'm making Bugbear diaper wipes, partly so that we have as many as we need or more, and partly just to fill my time.
I'm also trying to read him/her different things, in addition to the Heartbeat story I try to read nightly. So far we've done Shel Silverstein, Jack Prelutskey, Teresa of Avila, Julian of Norwich, some psalms, and some chanting. None of these seem to have any effect on movement, though s/he may come out spouting rhyming religious insights, in which case I will believe that s/he actually could hear what was going on out here.
Tell me how you feel physically. Big. I can't find a comfortable way to do a forward bend, because if my legs are far enough apart to fit my stomach between them, I'm in more of a hamstring stretch than a real forward bend. It's weird, and while I know this is still the beginning of stomach growth, I also really don't know where it's going to go. I'm showing more today than yesterday (the nurse at my chiropractor couldn't get over it), and I think it's because I seem to have a big bulge for the 4" under my navel instead of just having the general roundness of three days ago.
Other than that, I'm tired. I'll sleep amazingly well some nights, and be restless/tossing/turning other nights. Touch wood, migraines and sciatica are both better, and the heartburn that I am having I can handle.
What are you craving? Nothing. It's 95 degrees, and I don't like eating when it's hot outside. I've had to force myself to stop skipping breakfast, and be sure to eat not only lunch, but dinner, and also snacks. It's surprisingly difficult; I think that each winter I forget how little I eat during the summer, and now I have to be very sure that I'm eating. I've even tried giving myself permission to eat whatever, whenever, and I still have trouble coming up with things that sound even vaguely appetizing.
Are you crazy emotional? Sort of...sometimes...I'm happy that things seem to have evened out, or at least gotten more predictable. I cry for about 10 minutes at night when I'm very tired, and then I'm done. That I can deal with.
Tell me how you feel otherwise. Okay. Excited to run to my mom's for the weekend, happy that Michael and I continue to really talk about things and grow with each other through this, and generally uneventful.
How pregnant are you? 21 weeks. Wondering when I will stop reeling. I've now been pregnant in 2010 for 4 months, as opposed to 3 months of this year not pregnant. Perhaps I'll be accustomed to it by November.
Relate this pregnancy to objects we tend to eat or other daily stuff. Bugbear is likely to measure around 10.5" total length, or 7" crown to rump. That's about the size of a beer bottle, or a large banana.
Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. I am tremendously impressed with his/her circulatory system, which is moving blood through the umbilical cord, through his/her entire body, and then back into my body, at 4 miles an hour. I wouldn't be happy driving at 4mph, but that seems pretty impressive for something the size of a banana. Bugbear has fully formed fingernails this week, and his/her eyelids are also fully formed, though not ready to open for another month or two. There seem to be lots of developments in terms of digestion this week. S/he is forming tooth buds for permanent teeth, his/her tongue is fully developed and practicing new swallowing motions, and s/he is absorbing water and sugar from the amniotic fluid that gets swallowed.
Because taste buds are forming en masse on the tongue and cheeks this week and next, there are theories that the more variation in foods I eat, the more likely Bugbear will be to eat and enjoy similar tastes when s/he gets food. I'm not sure I buy that, but so far s/he's on the fast track to enjoying milk, ice cream, milkshakes, nutella, hard boiled eggs, deviled eggs, cereal, blueberries, cherries, grapefruit, frozen mixed fruit, tomatoes, peas, onion, garlic, eggplant, broccoli, pine nuts, and pasta. Oh, and key lime mango cheesecake. Not sure what exactly some of those would look like as baby food, but I do like the idea that right now it's my job to expose Bugbear to as much as possible. Maybe that'll help me stop being so tired of eating.
Somewhere in the middle of second tri, Bugbear is likely to start getting the hiccups. I find this adorable, and terrifying. I went through about two years of constant hiccups in my early teen years, and it was miserable. And somehow, I don't think that standing on my head, drinking water upside down, or letting sugar dissolve on my tongue without swallowing until I have weird rivulets of sugar drool running down my face are likely to stop hiccups that both are and aren't mine.
What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new?
I'm making Bugbear diaper wipes, partly so that we have as many as we need or more, and partly just to fill my time.
I'm also trying to read him/her different things, in addition to the Heartbeat story I try to read nightly. So far we've done Shel Silverstein, Jack Prelutskey, Teresa of Avila, Julian of Norwich, some psalms, and some chanting. None of these seem to have any effect on movement, though s/he may come out spouting rhyming religious insights, in which case I will believe that s/he actually could hear what was going on out here.
Tell me how you feel physically. Big. I can't find a comfortable way to do a forward bend, because if my legs are far enough apart to fit my stomach between them, I'm in more of a hamstring stretch than a real forward bend. It's weird, and while I know this is still the beginning of stomach growth, I also really don't know where it's going to go. I'm showing more today than yesterday (the nurse at my chiropractor couldn't get over it), and I think it's because I seem to have a big bulge for the 4" under my navel instead of just having the general roundness of three days ago.
Other than that, I'm tired. I'll sleep amazingly well some nights, and be restless/tossing/turning other nights. Touch wood, migraines and sciatica are both better, and the heartburn that I am having I can handle.
What are you craving? Nothing. It's 95 degrees, and I don't like eating when it's hot outside. I've had to force myself to stop skipping breakfast, and be sure to eat not only lunch, but dinner, and also snacks. It's surprisingly difficult; I think that each winter I forget how little I eat during the summer, and now I have to be very sure that I'm eating. I've even tried giving myself permission to eat whatever, whenever, and I still have trouble coming up with things that sound even vaguely appetizing.
Are you crazy emotional? Sort of...sometimes...I'm happy that things seem to have evened out, or at least gotten more predictable. I cry for about 10 minutes at night when I'm very tired, and then I'm done. That I can deal with.
Tell me how you feel otherwise. Okay. Excited to run to my mom's for the weekend, happy that Michael and I continue to really talk about things and grow with each other through this, and generally uneventful.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Why I Wore a Bikini
Body image is not something that has ever been a place of ease for me. I have struggled for a long time to come to terms with my body, its shape, its ways of living and moving and being. I'm obviously not alone in this. Rachel Kramer Bussel writes brilliantly about the ways that self image is a constant shifting challenge (ads may make this page NSFW) here, and like so many other women, I can see myself in her words. And yet I share her desire to be more fully and continually loving of myself.
So I wore a bikini on the Fourth of July.
I have a perfectly adorable maternity suit that I could have worn. But I've worn it several times to sit out on my back porch and get sun, and I wanted different tan lines (you know, so that those judgy midwives don't refuse to help me give birth because I have bad tan lines). So the bikini was the result of a good five minutes of staring at my naked pregnant body in the mirror, another good five minutes sobbing while sitting on the floor about how I feel totally not myself and unattractive and hate that I can't just love myself the way I look, and then a moment of "Screw this, it's a family party, and you don't actually look bad."
But getting to that last moment, the "screw this" that I used to embody with so little effort, was hard. Harder than the ten minutes it actually took.
I've spent years learning about cultural norms, especially cultural norms about gender and bodies, and challenging them in my personal and professional life. I still don't know whether I'm going to manage to finish and successfully defend my dissertation, but so much about disability studies has changed my understanding of my body and bodies in general. And I truly believe that those changes are for the better. I want to get back to believing them, embodying them. It's hard. I've never felt less queer, more normative, and still somehow more vulnerable than I do now. It's as if being pregnant has erased much of the identity I crafted and loved for myself previously. And that, combined with residual feelings of being betrayed by my body for being pregnant at all, leaves me feeling seriously out of place.
So I stepped up to the "Screw this" plate, pulled on a pair of boy-cut bottoms (and tugged them down below the bump) and a top that would give me different tan lines, then got dressed and went to the party. I have never been tall and thin. At best, I was wicked curvy. But there's something tremendously unsettling about going from 5'2", 38-28-40 to 5'2", 42-33.5-41.5, even knowing that it's because I'm growing this thing that will become my child. I don't expect to look like the cover of a pregnancy magazine any more than I'd ever expect to look like something on the cover of any other magazine. Not going to happen. But I've gone from
I've come to the conclusion that I'm carrying low and all in front, which means that, given my hips and waistline, I am now shaped like an ancient fertility statue with a half-inflated basketball in her tummy:
It's odd. It's disconcerting. It's where I am now, and after flashing my stomach yesterday, it's a place in which I can be comfortable. Which is not to say that in another month, when my uterus will actually be the size of a soccer ball, I will be able to maintain that comfort. But I'm back to feeling as if I should not, cannot, be bound by the cultural norms that would demand anorexia in order to participate, and I hope to find ways to keep this acceptance even as my body continues to change.
So I wore a bikini on the Fourth of July.
I have a perfectly adorable maternity suit that I could have worn. But I've worn it several times to sit out on my back porch and get sun, and I wanted different tan lines (you know, so that those judgy midwives don't refuse to help me give birth because I have bad tan lines). So the bikini was the result of a good five minutes of staring at my naked pregnant body in the mirror, another good five minutes sobbing while sitting on the floor about how I feel totally not myself and unattractive and hate that I can't just love myself the way I look, and then a moment of "Screw this, it's a family party, and you don't actually look bad."
But getting to that last moment, the "screw this" that I used to embody with so little effort, was hard. Harder than the ten minutes it actually took.
I've spent years learning about cultural norms, especially cultural norms about gender and bodies, and challenging them in my personal and professional life. I still don't know whether I'm going to manage to finish and successfully defend my dissertation, but so much about disability studies has changed my understanding of my body and bodies in general. And I truly believe that those changes are for the better. I want to get back to believing them, embodying them. It's hard. I've never felt less queer, more normative, and still somehow more vulnerable than I do now. It's as if being pregnant has erased much of the identity I crafted and loved for myself previously. And that, combined with residual feelings of being betrayed by my body for being pregnant at all, leaves me feeling seriously out of place.
So I stepped up to the "Screw this" plate, pulled on a pair of boy-cut bottoms (and tugged them down below the bump) and a top that would give me different tan lines, then got dressed and went to the party. I have never been tall and thin. At best, I was wicked curvy. But there's something tremendously unsettling about going from 5'2", 38-28-40 to 5'2", 42-33.5-41.5, even knowing that it's because I'm growing this thing that will become my child. I don't expect to look like the cover of a pregnancy magazine any more than I'd ever expect to look like something on the cover of any other magazine. Not going to happen. But I've gone from
to
(20 weeks, please forgive the bad lighting and mirror desperately in need of cleaning)
to
(July 5, which doesn't look much different to July 4, except I am wearing my comparison shirt and forgot to cut my head out of the picture)
(Again, taken today. Clean mirror, funny face.)
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Happy Independence Day 2010
Dear BugBear,
As of today, you are less than halfway done gestating.
As of today, we do not know if you are a boy or a girl.
As of today, our country is 234 years old. Strange number, huh?
With regard to the first reflection, we are -- as has been expressed in previous posts -- both excited and nervous about this steadily approaching reality. Krista, your mom, is definitely showing that something major and wonderful is happening to our family. She can't wait to have me feel your movements. Neither can I.
With regard to the second one, we will find out if you have boy bits or girl bits on Friday, the day after Krista's birthday. I can honestly say that I am excited for you to show up, girl or boy. We will attempt to raise you in a gender-dynamic and inclusive home.
Finally, with regard to the third observation, the integrity of the USA certainly stands on shaky ground these days, and there remains much to be done to clear up our reputation both at home and internationally. However, from the point of view of some, your country of birth has done wonderful things with regard to openness to strangers, providing the means by which folks can struggle for a better life for themselves and their children, and fighting for freedom and rights. Given my chosen profession (which stems from my passion and competencies), I ruthlessly criticize anything and everything, I'm definitely glad that I am allowed the freedom to do so. In November or so, you will be born in this country, and if it is not completely to your liking, we will try our best to make it better. After a while, it will be your job to contribute, however big or small, to the repair of this world. It's not your task to complete it all on your own, but neither are you spared from your valuable and critical input and voice. Everyone, however big or little, can make a positive difference.
It is the potential that I love about this country, and oddly enough, it is the potential that I love about you. So today, let's celebrate! I promise to give your mom extra hugs and love, and to attempt to anticipate and meet her needs and requests. Like the USA, we can call this a day of experimentation and independence.
Your dad,
-Michael
As of today, you are less than halfway done gestating.
As of today, we do not know if you are a boy or a girl.
As of today, our country is 234 years old. Strange number, huh?
With regard to the first reflection, we are -- as has been expressed in previous posts -- both excited and nervous about this steadily approaching reality. Krista, your mom, is definitely showing that something major and wonderful is happening to our family. She can't wait to have me feel your movements. Neither can I.
With regard to the second one, we will find out if you have boy bits or girl bits on Friday, the day after Krista's birthday. I can honestly say that I am excited for you to show up, girl or boy. We will attempt to raise you in a gender-dynamic and inclusive home.
Finally, with regard to the third observation, the integrity of the USA certainly stands on shaky ground these days, and there remains much to be done to clear up our reputation both at home and internationally. However, from the point of view of some, your country of birth has done wonderful things with regard to openness to strangers, providing the means by which folks can struggle for a better life for themselves and their children, and fighting for freedom and rights. Given my chosen profession (which stems from my passion and competencies), I ruthlessly criticize anything and everything, I'm definitely glad that I am allowed the freedom to do so. In November or so, you will be born in this country, and if it is not completely to your liking, we will try our best to make it better. After a while, it will be your job to contribute, however big or small, to the repair of this world. It's not your task to complete it all on your own, but neither are you spared from your valuable and critical input and voice. Everyone, however big or little, can make a positive difference.
It is the potential that I love about this country, and oddly enough, it is the potential that I love about you. So today, let's celebrate! I promise to give your mom extra hugs and love, and to attempt to anticipate and meet her needs and requests. Like the USA, we can call this a day of experimentation and independence.
Your dad,
-Michael
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