What's going on? We're moving this weekend! I am so looking forward to getting everything unpacked, and starting to make the new space into our home, especially since this is where we'll be bringing home our Bugbear.
How pregnant are you? 24 weeks, also known as six months. That means I have four months, or sixteen weeks, left if I'm pregnant for the average 40 weeks. Babies aren't past due until 42 weeks, though, and we're certainly not looking for intervention or induction, so we could be looking at 18 more weeks of being pregnant. Even so, I'm more than halfway there.
Relate this pregnancy to objects we tend to eat or other daily stuff. Bugbear continues to grow, and is probably around 1.5 pounds this week. That's still roughly the size of a spaghetti squash, or papaya.
Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. Bugbear is...still developing. S/he will probably add another 4-6 oz this week from adding fat, developing muscle, and calcifying bones. In addition, s/he's gaining complexity in his/her lung structure, and starting to produce white blood cells that will augment and eventually overtake the passive antibody transfer between him/her and me. Though Bugbear's eyes are still fused shut, s/he is developing rapid eye movement this week.
If heartburn is actually an indication of hair growth (a 2006 study showed a strong and significant correlation between the self-evaluated severity of heartburn and independently rated amounts of hair a baby had), Bugbear may be a bonobo.
What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new? I chose a song to sing to Bugbear so that there's a distinctly familiar melody at hand when s/he is born. While baby books recommend this sort of thing, it's a result of my experiences as a big sister--I used to sing "Six Little Ducks" to my mom's belly when she was pregnant, and after my sister was born, she would calm down when I'd sing it to her. I love that, and wanted the same sort of comfort and bonding with my child. Random side note: there are 228 youtube videos called "Six Little Ducks," and I feel lucky to have found the one I remember after only watching four of them.
Tell me how you feel physically. It's been a really difficult week. Lots and lots and lots of pain. I was unable to reliably walk for two days because of the sciatica, and while I'm super thankful that's over, not being able to exist without pain really took a toll on me. Add in killer death heartburn, some baby migraines, nighttime cramps in my calves, a weird perpetual evil-chalky taste in my mouth (that doesn't go away with brushing my teeth, mouthwash, food, water, tea, or anything else), and I'm ready for next week to be better.
What are you craving? I don't even know.
Are you crazy emotional? Yes. It's clearly linked to all the pain, and the stress of moving, but I can safely expect to burst into tears at least twice a day.
Tell me how you feel otherwise. I'm still frustrated about my lack of standing up for myself, and working on how to best approach that. I'm excited to move, annoyed that I will be largely useless in the actual lifting stuff and putting it places process, and looking forward to a pretty quiet week of just unpacking and adjusting.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Pregnancy Has Made Me a Wuss
A word of warning: I swear here. It happens when I'm mad.
I used to be really good at standing up for myself.
I've had to advocate for my body, my thoughts, and my decisions for a long time. Phrases like "Yes, I am actually in that much pain. No, I absolutely will not take a drug that I don't believe I need and has a substantial risk of permanent debilitating side effects. No, I will not take something else just in case. Yes, I do need the muscle relaxants. Yes, I do actually put on my seat belt every time I'm in the car, thankyouverymuch, AND I make my passengers do so as well. No, I will not agree to be seen by a med student instead of my usual doctor" used to come out of my mouth with relative ease.
Those were easy. They were hard at the time, but now I miss the days when I was "only" fighting about the mundane details of my life, diagnoses, drugs, and treatment plans.
Now, I feel myself fading fast in so many conversations that should be hard-at-the-time and then done. I just can't find the fight in me. I know full well that I'm responding to the cultural narrative that says "Don't you just want a healthy baby? As long as you have a healthy baby at the end of the day, what happens to you and how you're treated don't really matter in the long run."
And while I'd like to call "Bullshit" on that one, I'm tired. And so I don't. And then I kick myself.
Most recently, I've been researching Gestational Diabetes (GD) tests, protocols for treatment, and outcomes. A lot of what I've found has been standard fear-mongering. Babies whose mothers have untreated GD can DIE, and you will feel guilty for the rest of your life because you could have prevented it (this is both a completely untestable claim and one that Freudian mother-blaming would have been proud to behold). Babies whose mothers have untreated GD can be TOO BIG, or sometimes they're TOO SMALL. Babies whose mothers have GD, treated or not, need additional monitoring. Women who have GD are more likely have high-intervention birth experiences ending in c-sections.
"But it's all okay! You'll have a healthy baby!"
It's not all okay. Yes, I want a healthy baby. But I also want to be treated as a person, and damnit, that should not be radical. GD, like so much of medicalized American birth, is controversial, non-standardized in diagnosis and treatment, and is based in faulty studies done ages ago combined with regressive notions of maternity care that minimize the fact that it's not a Baby in an incubator, it's a Woman carrying a fetus. And damnit, that woman deserves to have a say in her medical care.
"Why not just take the test? You're already at risk, and really, it's only an hour, some crap sugar drink, and then you know for sure."
I do technically have two of the risk factors. I am OLD (29), and I am NOT THIN (serious social crime). My ovaries should have shriveled up and died long long ago, in mourning of the days when I was young and fertile and beautiful. Never mind that correlation is not causation, and the fact that many women over 28 do test positive for GD does not mean that being over 28 is the cause of GD. Even if age really ain't nothin but a number, there are other Very Important Numbers that I fail. At 5'2" and 148 pounds before pregnancy, my BMI was 27, putting me squarely in the "overweight" category. Nevermind that BMI is laden with problems, including an inability to account for muscle mass, natural fat deposits like boobs, and a general fallacious belief that standardized weight is available to and healthy for every person. Overweight is risky.
My hypothetical questioner is right that the test is an hour. And I could read for an hour. But I'd prefer to read for an hour at home, in a comfy chair, without being stabbed, poked, or prodded.
And it doesn't necessarily have to be a crappy sugar drink. I'd rather have jelly beans, and that's a medically "proven" alternative I haven't been offered.
I'd also prefer a test that's standardized in its measurements (right now, the US version isn't), takes into account the natural changes that it purports to be monitoring (blood sugar levels are naturally progressively higher as pregnancy continues, which means that the same woman could pass at 24 weeks, do nothing different, and fail at 28 weeks just by virtue of being pregnant), and doesn't automatically place me in the absurd category of "high risk" (testing positive for GD means that women are monitored more closely, subject to more interference and intervention during their birthing processes, and due to the cascading effect of intervention, more likely to have c-sections).
--See here and here for more extended discussions and extensive citation of these things.
I KNOW these things. They're why I called my midwives office to request that my test be done at 24 weeks instead after my 25 week appointment.
So what did I do when she said that they prefer to test at 26 weeks?
I responded with a bold, well-researched, intelligent, individualized, and thoughtful "oh. Okay. Thanks, have a good evening!"
That's not me. At all. We gotta get this fixed before someone tells me I need a non-stress test or a fluid levels check just because. Because pregnancy and parenthood may inevitably change me, but this is not okay.
How do I get back to being the sort of woman who stands up for herself instead of caving at the slightest pressure? What do you do to remind yourself that you're strong, intelligent, and capable?
I used to be really good at standing up for myself.
I've had to advocate for my body, my thoughts, and my decisions for a long time. Phrases like "Yes, I am actually in that much pain. No, I absolutely will not take a drug that I don't believe I need and has a substantial risk of permanent debilitating side effects. No, I will not take something else just in case. Yes, I do need the muscle relaxants. Yes, I do actually put on my seat belt every time I'm in the car, thankyouverymuch, AND I make my passengers do so as well. No, I will not agree to be seen by a med student instead of my usual doctor" used to come out of my mouth with relative ease.
Those were easy. They were hard at the time, but now I miss the days when I was "only" fighting about the mundane details of my life, diagnoses, drugs, and treatment plans.
Now, I feel myself fading fast in so many conversations that should be hard-at-the-time and then done. I just can't find the fight in me. I know full well that I'm responding to the cultural narrative that says "Don't you just want a healthy baby? As long as you have a healthy baby at the end of the day, what happens to you and how you're treated don't really matter in the long run."
And while I'd like to call "Bullshit" on that one, I'm tired. And so I don't. And then I kick myself.
Most recently, I've been researching Gestational Diabetes (GD) tests, protocols for treatment, and outcomes. A lot of what I've found has been standard fear-mongering. Babies whose mothers have untreated GD can DIE, and you will feel guilty for the rest of your life because you could have prevented it (this is both a completely untestable claim and one that Freudian mother-blaming would have been proud to behold). Babies whose mothers have untreated GD can be TOO BIG, or sometimes they're TOO SMALL. Babies whose mothers have GD, treated or not, need additional monitoring. Women who have GD are more likely have high-intervention birth experiences ending in c-sections.
"But it's all okay! You'll have a healthy baby!"
It's not all okay. Yes, I want a healthy baby. But I also want to be treated as a person, and damnit, that should not be radical. GD, like so much of medicalized American birth, is controversial, non-standardized in diagnosis and treatment, and is based in faulty studies done ages ago combined with regressive notions of maternity care that minimize the fact that it's not a Baby in an incubator, it's a Woman carrying a fetus. And damnit, that woman deserves to have a say in her medical care.
"Why not just take the test? You're already at risk, and really, it's only an hour, some crap sugar drink, and then you know for sure."
I do technically have two of the risk factors. I am OLD (29), and I am NOT THIN (serious social crime). My ovaries should have shriveled up and died long long ago, in mourning of the days when I was young and fertile and beautiful. Never mind that correlation is not causation, and the fact that many women over 28 do test positive for GD does not mean that being over 28 is the cause of GD. Even if age really ain't nothin but a number, there are other Very Important Numbers that I fail. At 5'2" and 148 pounds before pregnancy, my BMI was 27, putting me squarely in the "overweight" category. Nevermind that BMI is laden with problems, including an inability to account for muscle mass, natural fat deposits like boobs, and a general fallacious belief that standardized weight is available to and healthy for every person. Overweight is risky.
My hypothetical questioner is right that the test is an hour. And I could read for an hour. But I'd prefer to read for an hour at home, in a comfy chair, without being stabbed, poked, or prodded.
And it doesn't necessarily have to be a crappy sugar drink. I'd rather have jelly beans, and that's a medically "proven" alternative I haven't been offered.
I'd also prefer a test that's standardized in its measurements (right now, the US version isn't), takes into account the natural changes that it purports to be monitoring (blood sugar levels are naturally progressively higher as pregnancy continues, which means that the same woman could pass at 24 weeks, do nothing different, and fail at 28 weeks just by virtue of being pregnant), and doesn't automatically place me in the absurd category of "high risk" (testing positive for GD means that women are monitored more closely, subject to more interference and intervention during their birthing processes, and due to the cascading effect of intervention, more likely to have c-sections).
--See here and here for more extended discussions and extensive citation of these things.
I KNOW these things. They're why I called my midwives office to request that my test be done at 24 weeks instead after my 25 week appointment.
So what did I do when she said that they prefer to test at 26 weeks?
I responded with a bold, well-researched, intelligent, individualized, and thoughtful "oh. Okay. Thanks, have a good evening!"
That's not me. At all. We gotta get this fixed before someone tells me I need a non-stress test or a fluid levels check just because. Because pregnancy and parenthood may inevitably change me, but this is not okay.
How do I get back to being the sort of woman who stands up for herself instead of caving at the slightest pressure? What do you do to remind yourself that you're strong, intelligent, and capable?
Monday, July 26, 2010
A few images for today
Dear BugBear,
In case you haven't noticed by now, your mom and dad can be somewhat offbeat individuals. In the event that you are unaware of this reality, please consult the following blog post.
While visiting the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago a few weeks ago, we happened to step into the gift shop. There was a display where one could customize some tiles to spell out words. We, of course, took this opportunity to procure the necessary letters to spell "Bugbear."
And here is a zoomed-in version, complete with shark attack action (courtesy of your zany Uncle Dan).
While at the grocery store, I thought that it may be both silly and appropriate to slap an "Organic" sticker on Krista's belly.
At a different grocery store (Trader Joe's), we decided to conduct an experiment. According to some accounts of fetus development, you are approximately the size of a papaya.
We hope that this rather odd sense of humor either entertains you, or that you merely tolerate us and love us anyway.
Yours,
-Michael (aka Dad)
In case you haven't noticed by now, your mom and dad can be somewhat offbeat individuals. In the event that you are unaware of this reality, please consult the following blog post.
While visiting the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago a few weeks ago, we happened to step into the gift shop. There was a display where one could customize some tiles to spell out words. We, of course, took this opportunity to procure the necessary letters to spell "Bugbear."And here is a zoomed-in version, complete with shark attack action (courtesy of your zany Uncle Dan).
While at the grocery store, I thought that it may be both silly and appropriate to slap an "Organic" sticker on Krista's belly.
At a different grocery store (Trader Joe's), we decided to conduct an experiment. According to some accounts of fetus development, you are approximately the size of a papaya.
We hope that this rather odd sense of humor either entertains you, or that you merely tolerate us and love us anyway.
Yours,
-Michael (aka Dad)
Friday, July 23, 2010
How is this only 23 weeks?
What's going on? Fortunately, it's been a quiet week. Generic daily activity, and getting ready to move next weekend, but nothing hugely surprising in our lives, and that's very nice.
How pregnant are you? 23 weeks. I feel like I've been pregnant forever. Round. My uterus is roughly 1.5" above my navel at this point, which explains the roundness, but it's still very, very surreal to see my body changing so drastically on a daily basis.
Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. Bugbear is having a growth spurt this week, and for the next few weeks, at a rate of up to 6oz per week, due to increased intake of the sugars and nutrients in the amniotic fluid. So it isn't my imagination that I'm feeling more huge each day, and actually feeling my abs and round ligaments stretching and pulling and changing.
Visually, Bugbear's eyebrows are now visible, and if there's hair on his/her head, it could be up to 1/2" long, though it's unlikely to have pigment yet.
Internally, Bugbear's middle ear bones are hardening, which is creating a sense of balance and direction--as s/he moves around in my uterus, s/he may be able to recognize up and down, as well as be able to distinguish rolling movements. I know that I'm certainly feeling those things!
His/her pancreas is starting to produce insulin, and s/he continues to pack on the baby fat. Alveoli are forming in his/her little lungs, which will eventually allow him/her to breathe after birth. That sort of development means that we're increasingly close to viability, or the possibility that Bugbear could survive in the outside world if s/he were born in the next few weeks. We obviously want him/her to keep cooking for at least another 10 weeks, though!
What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new? We're starting to think about things like baby showers, which means deciding what stuff s/he and we will actually need and want, and what just isn't us. I'm spending far too much time on etsy looking at fabric that I might use to make bedding...but fabric is just so delightful. So far, we haven't had a periscope peek out from my navel and nod vigorously at any particular pattern, so this is one of those decisions that we'll probably have to make without the kid's input.
Tell me how you feel physically. Odd. Achy. Huge. I've had some days with pain so bad I couldn't walk, and more where I feel somewhere between good and excellent. I am freaked out by my hugeness, and the knowledge that I'm only going to get bigger. But there's also something really intriguing about never really knowing what I'm going to look or feel like a few hours in the future.
What are you craving? Cherries. I bought two pounds of organic cherries at Trader Joe's yesterday, and not eating them all at once is as difficult as not eating all the shortbread with chocolate that I bought.
Are you crazy emotional? Yes. Tears at tiny diapers, my hair, moving again, not moving, the unfairness of life that's happening to so many people I care about right now, missing people, the future, adorable onesies, meat, being tired, being awake...it doesn't take much right now.
Tell me how you feel otherwise. Overall, good. I'm really working to incorporate my goal of living in the present at every moment into this pregnancy. I'm only doing this once. This is the point in my life where I'll be 23 weeks pregnant, and I want to drink it in, remember it, take it for what it is without forcing it to be anything else. It's harder to do so when the pain or exhaustion or frustration are bad, but it's also helped me to appreciate what's going on rather than trying to make it more ideal.
How pregnant are you? 23 weeks. I feel like I've been pregnant forever. Round. My uterus is roughly 1.5" above my navel at this point, which explains the roundness, but it's still very, very surreal to see my body changing so drastically on a daily basis.
(I know, I know, dirty mirror, sorry!)
Relate this pregnancy to objects we tend to eat or other daily stuff. Bugbear is huge. Relatively. Over a pound at this point, and tall/long enough that s/he is bigger than last week, but no longer given likely weekly measurements on various websites. So s/he's still roughly the length of a spaghetti squash. Our ultrasound last week showed that his/her feet are 4cm long right now, so looking at a ruler helped give us a better picture of exactly what's growing in there.Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. Bugbear is having a growth spurt this week, and for the next few weeks, at a rate of up to 6oz per week, due to increased intake of the sugars and nutrients in the amniotic fluid. So it isn't my imagination that I'm feeling more huge each day, and actually feeling my abs and round ligaments stretching and pulling and changing.
Visually, Bugbear's eyebrows are now visible, and if there's hair on his/her head, it could be up to 1/2" long, though it's unlikely to have pigment yet.
Internally, Bugbear's middle ear bones are hardening, which is creating a sense of balance and direction--as s/he moves around in my uterus, s/he may be able to recognize up and down, as well as be able to distinguish rolling movements. I know that I'm certainly feeling those things!
His/her pancreas is starting to produce insulin, and s/he continues to pack on the baby fat. Alveoli are forming in his/her little lungs, which will eventually allow him/her to breathe after birth. That sort of development means that we're increasingly close to viability, or the possibility that Bugbear could survive in the outside world if s/he were born in the next few weeks. We obviously want him/her to keep cooking for at least another 10 weeks, though!
What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new? We're starting to think about things like baby showers, which means deciding what stuff s/he and we will actually need and want, and what just isn't us. I'm spending far too much time on etsy looking at fabric that I might use to make bedding...but fabric is just so delightful. So far, we haven't had a periscope peek out from my navel and nod vigorously at any particular pattern, so this is one of those decisions that we'll probably have to make without the kid's input.
Tell me how you feel physically. Odd. Achy. Huge. I've had some days with pain so bad I couldn't walk, and more where I feel somewhere between good and excellent. I am freaked out by my hugeness, and the knowledge that I'm only going to get bigger. But there's also something really intriguing about never really knowing what I'm going to look or feel like a few hours in the future.
What are you craving? Cherries. I bought two pounds of organic cherries at Trader Joe's yesterday, and not eating them all at once is as difficult as not eating all the shortbread with chocolate that I bought.
Are you crazy emotional? Yes. Tears at tiny diapers, my hair, moving again, not moving, the unfairness of life that's happening to so many people I care about right now, missing people, the future, adorable onesies, meat, being tired, being awake...it doesn't take much right now.
Tell me how you feel otherwise. Overall, good. I'm really working to incorporate my goal of living in the present at every moment into this pregnancy. I'm only doing this once. This is the point in my life where I'll be 23 weeks pregnant, and I want to drink it in, remember it, take it for what it is without forcing it to be anything else. It's harder to do so when the pain or exhaustion or frustration are bad, but it's also helped me to appreciate what's going on rather than trying to make it more ideal.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
July 22
Dear BugBear,
On this date in 2006, your mom-to-be took the plunge and married your dad-to-be.
What a rollercoaster ride it has been since then!
Since July 2006, a number of major events have taken place:
* Your paternal side grandfather was in a serious car accident. He's doing a lot better now.
* Your Aunt Lori and Uncle Dan adopted a wonderful girl, Madelyn Grace, who is excited about being your older cousin.
* Your mom finished her MA, and is one step away from earning her Ph.D., in Comparative Studies from The Ohio State University.
* Your maternal side great-grandfather, Pop-Pop, passed away.
* Your dad secured teaching jobs at Ohio State University, University of Dayton, two colleges in Connecticut, Penn State University, Prairie State College, and Oakton Community College (whew!).
* Your mom and dad lived in Connecticut for the summer of 2007.
* Your family adopted a bizarre, yet wonderful dog.
* Your family went a little more eco-friendly and purchased a Toyota Prius.
* Your dad graduated with his Ph.D. in Philosophy & Literature from Purdue University.
* Your mom decided to become a minister in the Christian faith.
* Your mom secured teaching jobs at Ohio State University, Otterbein College, Penn State University, and Crestwood, IL (summer tutoring).
* Your family lived in a house, and met some great friends, in Columbus, OH. They also lived in an apartment in State College, PA, and two apartments in the metropolitan Chicago area.
* Your family learned that we will be expecting a young one, whom we've affectionately nicknamed "BugBear" <-- that's you!
While this is only a list of memorable highlights (and your dad has a few screws loose when it comes to memory), your dad Michael loves your mom Krista for all the big things as well as the innumerable small, day-to-day things. We're all in this together, and we can't wait to meet you when it's your time to see us.
Happy anniversary, Krista! I <3 you, sideways 8.
-Michael
On this date in 2006, your mom-to-be took the plunge and married your dad-to-be.
What a rollercoaster ride it has been since then!
Since July 2006, a number of major events have taken place:
* Your paternal side grandfather was in a serious car accident. He's doing a lot better now.
* Your Aunt Lori and Uncle Dan adopted a wonderful girl, Madelyn Grace, who is excited about being your older cousin.
* Your mom finished her MA, and is one step away from earning her Ph.D., in Comparative Studies from The Ohio State University.
* Your maternal side great-grandfather, Pop-Pop, passed away.
* Your dad secured teaching jobs at Ohio State University, University of Dayton, two colleges in Connecticut, Penn State University, Prairie State College, and Oakton Community College (whew!).
* Your mom and dad lived in Connecticut for the summer of 2007.
* Your family adopted a bizarre, yet wonderful dog.
* Your family went a little more eco-friendly and purchased a Toyota Prius.
* Your dad graduated with his Ph.D. in Philosophy & Literature from Purdue University.
* Your mom decided to become a minister in the Christian faith.
* Your mom secured teaching jobs at Ohio State University, Otterbein College, Penn State University, and Crestwood, IL (summer tutoring).
* Your family lived in a house, and met some great friends, in Columbus, OH. They also lived in an apartment in State College, PA, and two apartments in the metropolitan Chicago area.
* Your family learned that we will be expecting a young one, whom we've affectionately nicknamed "BugBear" <-- that's you!
While this is only a list of memorable highlights (and your dad has a few screws loose when it comes to memory), your dad Michael loves your mom Krista for all the big things as well as the innumerable small, day-to-day things. We're all in this together, and we can't wait to meet you when it's your time to see us.
Happy anniversary, Krista! I <3 you, sideways 8.
-Michael
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Whoa
On Saturday afternoon, after attending a seminar entitled "Daddyology," I went to a local bookstore (Powell's) to sell some books. While waiting 15 or so minutes for the worker to figure the total, instead of doing what I usually do - browse through the Philosophy and Religious Studies aisles of the bookstore - I found myself skimming through the children's book section, thumbing through Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein, wondering to myself if this book would be good to read to BugBear before and after s/he is born. Whoa. Talk about a game-changer. This is great.
Bugbear's First Case of The Weird
What's going on? We had our major ultrasound last Friday, where we got to see little Bugbear's face for the first time. It was amazing. From the facial profile, s/he looks to have my snub nose and DH's chin. From a front view, s/he looks like a terrifying Skeletor-type cartoon, since there's barely any fat on his/her body yet, so his/her face is really just skin over bone. And from the picture we have of his/her foot, s/he has little tree frog toes like mine. It was really an amazing experience to see this thing that's been practicing his/her ninja moves for what seems like forever.
Then on Tuesday, we got a phone call from the midwives office. The ultrasound showed Bugbear growing fine. But it also showed that Bugbear's umbilical cord only has one artery instead of the usual two, which could have meant any number of possible things. So Thursday we dropped everything to get a level 2 ultrasound.
The level 2 showed that Bugbear is indeed fine. His/her organs looked healthy, with no signs that the two-valve cord was a symptom or cause of anything bigger or potentially more problematic. It was a huge relief, and we couldn't have asked for more humanizing and informative staff members who really explained things and treated us with dignity. If we had to have this happen, I'm grateful that it happened this way. And it was nice to see Bugbear's little face and body again. S/he has everything we saw last time, and we got to really look at this amazing beating heart the size of a quarter and a teeny stomach full of amniotic fluid. While I knew those things were in there, seeing them really gave me a different perspective on their reality.
We'll have another ultrasound in 8-10 weeks to check on Bugbear and make sure that s/he isn't experiencing growth restriction or other problems. The results will determine whether we have continued monitoring, or if we finish out with the mentality that Bugbear has his/her first case of The Weird (probably from my side of the family). We're hoping that this is simply The Weird, and to be able to keep things as non-invasive and natural as possible.
How pregnant are you? 22 weeks. We have pictures from a Friday trip to Shedd Aquarium, but they haven't been uploaded yet. To give you an idea, though, it is completely possible that my abdomen has decided to adopt "Pop Goes the Stomach" as its personal anthem.
Relate this pregnancy to objects we tend to eat or other daily stuff. Bugbear weighs around a pound this week, and will double in weight over the next 4 weeks. S/he is probably 7-8" crown to rump, or 11" top to bottom. That's roughly the size of a spaghetti squash, the length of a package of Oreos, or an over-inflated football. I don't like Oreos, and I have no idea how the size of an over-inflated football is any different than a regular one. These things aren't so bad, because we could still compare Bugbear to a spaghetti squash. But the last spaghetti squash we bought was from the farmer's market, and a whopping 2' in length, so I'm thinking that's not quite right either. A trip to the grocery store seems to be in order.
Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear. Bugbear's nervous system is developed enough that s/he can feel his/her own touch, so that s/he is able to explore his/her own body while swimming around and hanging out. There's a possibility that s/he has hair on his/her head, but if it's there, it's still completely without pigment and very short.
Bugbear's eyes are fully formed, but won't open for a while, and the irises are still without pigment, which will come in later. Bugbear's liver is continuing to learn how and practice breaking down unnecessary red blood cells, while his/her brain is now developing the folds and wrinkles that will eventually provide surface area for all the stuff that brains need to do.
What are you doing with/for Bugbear that's new? We've seen Bugbear as more than a jelly bean with arm and leg buds, and that for us is huge. We haven't added much beyond that this week.
Tell me how you feel physically. Tired. Neither Michael nor I slept well for most of this week as we waited for more information, and that impacted us. But when I'm not dragging my butt, I feel really good. I'm able to work out regularly, my chiropractor is a miracle worker (my legs are nearly even length again!), and Bugbear loves adjustments--I can feel him/her move so strongly as my pelvic girdle gets opened up, and there's more room for swimming. I'm also finding a lot of pleasure in breathing deeply, which is a very nice surprise.
What are you craving? WINGS. I could eat buffalo wings (not flavored sauces, not bbq, just plain wing sauce flavored wings) with a Tums chaser daily and be quite happy. And mixed greens salad with mushrooms. And lemongrass dry soda.
Are you crazy emotional? Yep. Between the exhaustion and the cord surprise, I've done a lot of crying. Not even Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide can stop that from happening. I'm also having to work really hard to keep my temper under control lately, which is important but not at all easy.
Tell me how you feel otherwise. Sometimes I think that if there's a word for it, I've felt it in the last 120 hours, and if there's not a word for it, I've felt that in the last 120 hours as well. I'm hugely relieved that Bugbear is okay, relieved at hearing that this is nothing I did, and not the result of any of the drugs I was taking at the beginning of this pregnancy. Tired of surprises. Tired. Excited, frustrated, hopeful, overwhelmed, curious, constantly in awe of the way that pregnancy happens and impacts me and our family. Looking forward to meeting our Bugbear, not too soon, but not too horribly far in the future, either.
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