Let's Talk Boobs.

I like them. Mine, others, whatever. Boobs are good.

I'm really quite attached to mine, even.

But boobs and facebook...they just don't seem to click.

And when you add in breast cancer awareness month, it's a triad that is odd and hyper-sexualized enough to drive me up a wall.

In case you've missed it, there are women whose statuses read things like "Ms.SmartyPants likes it on the first chair she sees in her house!" or "Ms.StudentYouShouldn'tHaveFriended likes it wherever she can get it! LOLZTXTME"

These are supposed to refer to where we put our handbags. Apologies, women of the world, I totally told your secret. And I didn't play the game. And I'm not going to.

Partly because Bugbear has eaten my brain, and my status would have to read "Krista likes it whenever and wherever she can find it, but doesn't actually know where that is."

More because it's not actually doing anything.

Rephrase: it's not actually doing anything useful for breast cancer, breast cancer research, or breast cancer education and prevention.

Instead, it's reinforcing the notion that breasts are sexual objects for the amusement, consumption, and enjoyment of others.

Or it's reinforcing the notion that coy oversharing is somehow a feminist act that means since we can act as if we're sexual, women now hold significant cultural power.  (And if you believe this, we probably need to have a talk about how Barack Obama getting elected does not mean racism is over, too.)

Or it's reinforcing the notion that my breasts are everyone's concern, without actually getting to the point that the health and welfare of all people should be everyone's concern.

I have issues with all three of those. Sure, breasts can be sexual. They can also be food dispensers. They can also be any number of things. Much like people, they're fabulously multifaceted. There is no one right use, reason for their existence, or way to think about them.

And sure, coy oversharing can be a fabulous method of flirtation. But being able to engage in minorly risque conversation doesn't mean I can prevent being leered at, whistled at, or treated like a piece of meat, and it doesn't prevent people from thinking that I am no more than my body. And that's a problem that no facebook movement is going to solve.

Sure, my breasts are a health concern. But my breasts are not a health concern that wants your "Feel the Tatas!" or your "Save the Tatas! or "I love your Boobies!" stickers, or car magnets, or other overpriced merchandise that is simply stuff with a slogan. If you feel that strongly, then feel your own tatas, regardless of your biological sex, since men get breast cancer too. Give your $3 to cancer research instead of to the magnet company (the Komen Foundation is one of only 9 charities focusing on breast cancer to get a four-star rating on Charity Navigator, and the only national organization to do so). And I don't want to hear what you feel for my breasts; I've checked, they're fine, and they do not want your dollars. They think your dollars should go to someone who will use them well.

There's nothing wrong with social networking for fun instead of for a cause. And there's nothing wrong with using social networking to do real good in the world. But there is something wrong with playing as if social networking for fun is actually doing real good. If you can't donate, can't volunteer, can't send a card to a family living with cancer, and can't find a way to support anyone in need in honor of those with breast cancer, then take your cursor, click here, and then click on the pink button that says "Click Here to Give--It's FREE!" and repeat daily for a way to use your computer to actually fund something that helps provide breast cancer prevention. Then get back to using your facebook status to describe your lunch, your child's bowel movements, or who I should vote for, the way God intended it to be used.