28 weeks.

Even the most non-mathematically-inclined websites are calling this third trimester. I am...not into it. Somewhere between five and fourteen weeks from now, I'm going to be a parent. And while I may have some super cute bedding, and I'm not of the "ohmygawd I need STUFF before I'm ready for a baby!" school of thought, I'm just plain not ready.

I'm tired. I'm psychoemotionally drained from a very long and difficult summer. I'm struggling with depression, and even without that added challenge, I have very little patience and very few filters thanks to my hormones. Add to that the gallons of unrequested advice about pregnancy, parenthood, what we do or don't need, and general commentary that just keeps pouring in, and I find myself wondering whether there exists a nuclear fallout-type shelter specially constructed to prevent its inhabitants from The Dumb. And then I find myself wondering how long one could hide out in this mythical shelter, and how much extra it would cost to make it invisible even to the almighty and frankly kinda creepy GoogleMaps. 

So that's what's up this week. And last.

In other news...

How pregnant are you?  28 weeks. Also known as seven months. Also known as 84 days until our due date.

Relate this pregnancy to objects we tend to eat or other everyday things.  Bugbear is roughly 14.5-16" long at this point, the diameter of the front tire on the original BigWheel, but not the size of many fruits or vegetables that we've been able to find. In spite of the lack of fruit comparisons, Bugbear will probably grow another 1/2" this week.  S/he is probably 2.5-4 pounds at this point. That sounds small. It feels huge. S/he is also up to around 3% body fat, which will continue to increase as healthy growth continues. 

Tell me some random stuff about the Bugbear.  It's brain time! Instead of a flat surface, his/her brain is gaining the wrinkles that make a brain look like a brain, as well as developing rapid synapses and building practice at other important functions. Bugbear's eyes are able to open at least partially, and s/he is practicing blinking, and might even close his/her eyes or move away if we were to shine a bright light at my belly. Additionally, s/he is practicing new lung movements like coughing, sucking, and hiccuping, in addition to the practice breathing. I haven't felt any hiccups yet (knock wood) and I'm totally fine with that. There's enough other movement, often visible from the outside, that I'm confident he/she is just fine in there without feeling hiccups.

Tell me how you feel physically.  Tell me how you'd feel if your inside bits looked like this:

and I'll tell you whether you're right (image from http://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10241).  I'm having fairly constant but unpredictable heartburn--pizza, bad. Cranberry juice with Sprite, fine. Plain water, bad. Water with ice, fine. Mint Tums, helpful. Fruit Tums...you really don't want to know what it's like to buy fruit Tums at Costco and then find out that when you eat them, you burp fruit flavored chalk for six hours. It's sad.

I'm also having pubic symphysis pain. Lay on your back and put your hands down at the bottom of your abdomen, below the butterfly-looking bits of your hips. Feel the bones that are small and at the very bottom of your pelvis in the front, below where your tail bone is in the back? That's your pubic symphysis. Now imagine a combination of a charlie horse and a bone bruise. That's what it feels like. Hopefully, nothing is splitting (in pregnant women, abdominal muscles can separate down the center of the abdomen, resulting in all sorts of fun issues), it's just something random and painful. I am looking into one of those ultra sexy maternity support girdles, but I just can't bring myself to even think about how freaking itchy and miserable it would be, much less actually get one. And though some may claim it's "the latest style to wear them over the clothing as a fashion statement," I'm simply not that hawt.

What are you craving? It depends on the day. I had one day where all I wanted was sugar, another where all I wanted was whole grains and veggies, and another where it was all I could do not to go buy a box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and then eat it. Nothing consistent, though I am very excited about the fresh avocados, organic tomatoes, and buffalo mozzarella that I picked up today.

Are you crazy emotional?  Yep.